Plowing Away

I’ve been busy working away at the list I call The List of Overwhelming Tasks That Need To Get Done Before The Break Is Over. It’s really not that overwhelming of a list when I think objectively about it. I’ve just procrastinated on all of it so much, that everything feels dreaded.

The first milestone was cleaning off and organizing my desk. Every school year or semester I always hope that this time the organization will hold. I cannot yet remember a single time the chaos has held off for more than a week or so. 😂

Today I’ve been trying to tackle as many tasks as I can. I haven’t been very motivated in the last few weeks I’ve had off between my summer job and school starting next week, so maybe that’s why The List can feel so overwhelming and all important.

Sometimes bouncing back and forth between tasks every few minutes ends in disaster and just leaves me with a bunch of incomplete tasks. Today, it’s been kind of fun to just bounce around and do little parts of different tasks and watch tasks actually get done once I make enough rounds. Maybe it will still end in me staring exhaustedly at all the halfway done things, but for now, it’s fun. 🙃

I’ve kinda been the same way about books this summer. Persistently working away at a group or list of books, but bouncing between genres and series and books.

I’m getting closer and closer to finishing my buddy-read/binge-read of Sherlock Holmes. The goal was to finish all of the Sherlock Holmes books by next week, but I think I’ll still have The Return, The Casebook, and The Last Bow remaining. Still, that’s a lot of Sherlock Holmes for one summer. It’s been super fun. 🙂

It’s been a bit of a struggle lately to get back into a regular habit of reading and digging into God’s word after the kind of relapse of all routines and habits during my summer break. I find myself either going back to familiar passages or wandering blindly through less-familiar ones, and remembering only a vague imprint of what I read. I think sometimes I need to stop and remember that most if not all worthwhile things are hard, rest when applicable, recall what those worthwhile things are (like God’s word), and plow on.

The sluggard does not plow in the autumn;
    he will seek at harvest and have nothing.

-Proverbs 20:4 (ESV)


What It Means (A Poem)

Because as much as I often look down on poetry, sometimes it is easier to express such things with. ☺


So this is what it means 
To be loved
Even seen
Yet still reached for

He poured out his lifeblood
Just to cleanse me
He reached to all ends
Just to live in me

Now I know what it means
That He loves me.

So this is what it means
To taste freedom
To be set loose
To live without bondage

He didn’t just cleanse me
He filled me with life
His power dwells in me
He’s set me free

Now I know what it means
That He saved me.

He’s here, not just there
He within, not around
He’s living, breathing
Inside and out
My God is alive.

Now I know what it means
That He’s with me.

So I’m redeemed
Yes, I’m cherished.
I’m alive, no longer numb
I may not feel, but I know.
That He’s list’ning.

For no matter my chaos
No matter my darkness
He walked through it all
And stays even now,

So I know what it means
That He’s my friend.

I breath in
And I gasp
For He says
That He’s here.

So this is what it means
To conquer death
To be filled with the power
Of the One who won all

This is what it means
To be Overcomer.

And so I stand
In this truth discovered
Knowing what it means
To be what I am

For this is what it means
To be child, to be daughter
To be loved.

This is what it means
That He’s here.


May God be with you this week. I pray He would speak to you and perhaps give you a glimpse of what it means that He gave himself for you. ❤

"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
    whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth,
    the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
    who gives food to the hungry.
The LORD sets the prisoners free;"

-Psalm 146.5-7 (ESV)

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

-Matthew 6:26 (ESV)

Note: This post is dedicated to my dear friend Mary, who continues to remind me that I am redeemed and beloved of God despite the chaos of other voices telling me otherwise.

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